If you’re wondering how to have sex with phimosis then you’re luckier than I was, because I didn’t even realise that I had it before reaching my thirties. Through a process of trial and error, I found my own ways of having sex and masturbating with a tight foreskin. Being a sex toy tester, I also have some advice on what to look for in sex toys if you have phimosis.
Quick answers on how to have sex with phimosis
If you came here for quick answers on how to have sex with phimosis and find more comfortable ways to masturbate, here are the main things I’ve found to help:
- Use condoms to reduce friction and skin pulling.
- Use more lube to reduce friction.
- It’s better to have sex in positions where the person with phimosis has control over thrusting.
- You could consider using toys during sex to reduce the need for thrusting.
- Use penis vibrators instead of stroking the penis.
- Look into foreskin stretching because it rid me of phimosis.
- During balantis flare-ups (infections), use anti-fungal cream.
- Use moisturising cream on the outer skin of your penis if it becomes chaffed after sex or masturbation.
If you have more time, I recommend you keep reading so that you can perhaps learn from the experiences that led me to recommend those points to you.
Your sexual partners might not know you have phimosis
Looking back on my life, there were multiple signs that I had mild phimosis. I’m not alone in never having anyone to have talked to or compared with to realise that there was a problem. For someone with more severe phimosis than mine, perhaps it would have been something mentioned by sexual partners. In my case, it wasn’t so obvious. I don’t think my sexual partners noticed that there was anything different enough to comment on it.
To be honest, it would have helped a lot if either me or my partners had realised that there was something different about my penis. I had no idea that the foreskin should retract during erection so never considered the problems associated with it. For me, everything that happened during and after sex were normal. I didn’t know any different, so never stopped to wonder if everyone had sore skin occasionally or had splits in their skin.
If you have phimosis, I suggest you tell your partner because them knowing can result in better sex. Changing techniques slightly or doing something as simple as using more lube can result in far better experiences.
How to prevent foreskin tearing during masturbation and sex
Skin tearing mostly became a problem for me when I began using sex toys. However I occasionally had it while using my hand to masturbate as a teenager too.
Nowadays, I sometimes test masturbators that are too tight for my penis. Even now that I’ve “cured” my phimosis, using tight masturbators causes me discomfort and pain. Before I treated my phimosis with foreskin stretching, such masturbators would cause micro-tears in my skin.
One easy way to reduce the chance of skin tearing like this, is to use condoms and PLENTY of lube. I realise that the thought of wearing a condom while using a masturbator could seem slightly odd to some, but it really does help.
Using a good condom, the skin is pulled less and the foreskin will be protected from excessive friction. It’s difficult for me to downplay just how much condoms have helped me in the past. For me, condoms weren’t merely accessories to prevent pregnancy/STDs, they were essential to my pleasure while I had phimosis.
My favourite sex positions for phimosis
As I already mentioned, condoms and extra lube are a must for sex with phimosis. If you have a condom on and enough lube, most sex positions will feel good. I also found it helpful to be in control of thrusting, because when I’m in control, I can change speed, intensity or position slightly easily. When someone else is in control of thrusting on your penis, they need to be aware of your condition.
Mostly, if your partner is in control of thrusting, they need to use plenty of lube and not thrash on you too brutally. If you don’t have a condom on, your partner will need to be very careful with the way they are thrusting. They shouldn’t thrust too hard in that case and need to be ready to slow down or stop if your skin starts pulling.
Good positions of control for phimosis
- Missionary position (legs back, legs down… it all works in this position!)
- Doggy style
- Modified cowgirl (the same position but with the cowgirl’s arms down and the bottom in control of thrusting)
If you have phimosis, anal sex may or may not be possible. Depending on the severity of your phimosis and the tightness of your partner’s sphincter will determine whether you can go for it or not. You’ll always need to use a condom to penetrate someone’s anus, however I find that even with a condom anal sex can pull on the foreskin quite a lot. While I had phimosis, it was for the most part something I avoided.
Alternative sex with toys
Besides oral sex, you could utilise sex toys to improve sex if you have phimosis. For example the Hot Octopuss Duo Lux has two vibrators that mean two people can climax from it. The toy straps onto the penis, then the partner would mount and receive stimulation from the second vibrator. It’s a great alternative to thrusting sex and very intimate too. I reviewed the Duo Lux here.
Another way to reduce the need for thrusting is to get a very good vibrating cock ring. With a cock ring on, your partner may not need (or even want) you to thrust as much. This is because the vibration will do some of the stimulation for you. I have reviewed several on this website and generally the more powerful the vibration motor, the better!
Prostate play is another possibility for those with phimosis. Some people (like me) have learned to orgasm from prostate stimulation alone. I usually use prostate massagers but some couples enjoy pegging.
How to give a hand job or blowjob to someone with phimosis
I had mild phimosis so can’t recommend this in severe cases. My foreskin retracted all the way back while I was flaccid however whenever I had an erection, my foreskin wouldn’t retract very far back at all. Whenever someone wanted to give me a hand job or blowjob, it could be unpleasant.
If the foreskin of your partner doesn’t go all the way back, pulling it back too far can cause pain. Even if it doesn’t cause immediate pain, repeatedly stretching the skin too far can result in micro-tearing, which can later leave the person in pain. I know because it’s happened to me.
For hand-jobs especially, you need to use a lot of lube on someone with phimosis. Your hand needs to slip very easily over the skin without pulling on it. Even during blowjobs, I would need my partner to use a lot of lube. You could get nice flavoured lubes to make this fun or just stick to a plain one. It really is important to avoid pulling the foreskin back too far repeatedly.
If you plan to give someone with phimosis a blowjob, be sure that the person is able to properly clean themselves. If they’re unable to clean under the foreskin because of their phimosis, you should either not perform a blowjob or use a condom to do so.
Bonus tip for giving hand jobs / blowjobs to someone with phimosis
Another great way to improve your hand job or blowjob game for your partner with phimosis is to use a vibrating sex toy on them. For example a vibrating wand with an open penis ring is sure to help bring them to climax.
My symptoms of phimosis
Please bare in mind that I’m not a doctor and this isn’t a list for you to diagnose yourself with. For me however, these were the symptoms I suffered when I had phomisis:
- Occasional micro-tears in my foreskin after masturbating.
- Occasional discomfort during sex when not using condoms.
- Chronic balantis, triggered by poorly dried sex toys.
- Painful morning wood.
- Never being able to retract my foreskin with an erection.
That last point was the source of most problems I had during sex as a result of phimosis. When the foreskin doesn’t stretch back over the foreskin during sex and masturbation, it means that the tip (known as the phimotic ring) can become stretched past its point of elasticity. When the skin stretches past its point of elasticity, it can tear slightly.
Badly dried sex toys can aggravate phimosis
The unfortunate thing about many masturbators is that they dry very slowly. In the case of Fleshlights, they have sometimes taken over 24 hours to completely dry in my apartment. Water-based penis pumps also dry badly sometimes.
Bacteria is a problem with toys that take a very long time to dry. I’ve always taken good care of my toys and tried my best to clean and dry them properly. Unfortunately however, I’ve still contracted two bacterial infections from badly dried toys. As you can guess, one was a Fleshlight and the other was a water-based penis pump.
Both infections were the same. They began with a constant stinging sensation on top of my penis head, followed by redness, swelling and discharge. In each case, the infection I received from badly dried sex toys took one week to go away. During that time, I couldn’t have sex, couldn’t masturbate and my erections were painful. If you’ve had something similar you’ll know yourself, it sucks. Often, such infections are referred to as balantis.
Chronic balantis and phimosis
People with phimosis are at a higher risk of getting balantis than others. I’m going to be referring to myself, however according to my urologist, chronic balantis is something he sees a lot with phimosis.
For some people with phimosis, hygiene can be a problem because they are unable to pull their foreskin back to clean. That wasn’t the case for me, because when my penis was flaccid I could still retract my foreskin and take care of that.
Despite there being no problem with hygiene on my part, chronic balantis became a problem for me after the two infections I got from sex toys. In my case, I would have a balantis flare-up whenever I had sex. It became a huge problem for me because even though I would clean myself well, whenever I had sex I knew that I’d spend a week in pain.
If you’re getting balantis regularly like this, you should see a urologist or general doctor. They will probably prescribe you anti-fungal cream, which cleared my reoccurring infections up very quickly. You can actually get anti-fungal creams for this purpose from pharmacies without a prescription (at least here in France that’s the case).
How I got rid of my phimosis
My urologist wanted to give me a circumcision straight away in order to cure my phimosis. While I’m sure that circumcision is an acceptable choice for many people with phimosis, it isn’t something I could jump into without trying other methods first.
I personally used an Italian product called Phimostop. It resolves phimosis / tight foreskin by using tuboids and silicone rings to stretch the foreskin. It’s actually not very extreme. They say on their website that it takes 10 weeks to cure phimosis but it took me quite a lot longer because I couldn’t stick to the recommended schedule. I would wear the tuboids for 10 – 12 hours per day inside my foreskin. It was slightly uncomfortable at times but overall I didn’t mind it. It took me about 6 months to be able to retract my foreskin during erection.
There are other companies besides Phimostop. I went with them purely because they’re European and they were one of the few companies using silicone I could trust (body-safe material). The kit is too expensive in my opinion but it did work for me, so I guess I’m grateful to have had a solution that allowed me to keep my foreskin.
Apparently urologists are not in the habit of recommending foreskin stretching techniques for phimosis. When I read messages from people with phimosis online, it is mostly those who are looking for alternatives to circumcision. I’m neither going to speculate on why urologists recommend circumcision so often nor explore why foreskin stretching isn’t more widely considered as a cure. All I know is that foreskin stretching worked for me and I’m very grateful to have kept my foreskin.
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